I have imposter syndrome, both at work and in my relationship.
I get called judgemental all the time. I have on idea why. I don’t judge anyone. And yet… they judge me as judgemental.
It drives me nuts. I think it’s just my face and the fact I don’t smile constantly. It also makes socializing very difficult, because I only tend to get along with very secure chill folks… which there aren’t many of in the world. I often have people blow up at me for ‘being mean to them’ even though I have said nothing to them and didn’t even notice them.
I’ve had some people call me judgemental because I’m seeing them do something wrong/failing at something and I’m trying to show them how to do it right. A lot of people get very defensive about being taught how to do something.
I leave people alone because I want to be left alone.
Yeah, but others may not see it that way because they are analyzing your actions through their thought process.
Random thought: find some YouTubers who have Autism, watch a few videos, and see if you can strongly relate. If you do relate, it might be something worth exploring.
Yeah, that’s it. I’m clearly autistic. Even though I have zero symptoms of autism or ADHD and have been tested for it and had low markers… just like the ordinary average person does.
It was simply a suggestion given that my neurodivergent friends have similar experiences. It’s good that you ruled it out though.
I don’t have a girlfriend (because I can’t get one) when everyone around me is in a relationship.
do women approach you or flirt with you?
Unfortunately no. If it was the opposite, I wouldn’t be in this situation.
So when I was dating a while back I was apparently fuckin terrible at picking up hints. the ladies were dropping hints but my insecurities had brainwashed me into not seeing them. It was embarrassingly bad on my part.
One thing I had to learn was that if I asked someone out and they said no or didn’t reciprocate wasn’t a loss or rejection. You’re in the same space and you can move on.
One thing I had to learn was that if I asked someone out and they said no or didn’t reciprocate wasn’t a loss or rejection.
Not only that, but you dodged a bullet. I thank women when they respectfully reject me. It’s awesome.
Also, think about all the times you were turned down. Does any of that matter now?? Nope. No one involved cares at all if they even remember. I think something that might help with this is for OP to place themselves in a position where they reject others. They could experience the other side and see that it’s not a bad thing. It’s just that they think it’s not for them and nothing else. And even in the rare chance that the rejection is seen as something else by the rejecting person, then even better because that’s not just dodging a bullet but dodging an artillery shell.
I have a mild speech impairment. I don’t stutter on a daily basis but when I’m under heavy stress or when I’m tired I tend to stutter-ish. On top of that I live in a country where I don’t speak in my native language and sometimes I feel self-conscious about small mistakes I make (like using the wrong word or messing up the grammar) which induces the stress response. It’s not a big deal but it makes me crazy when I can’t express my thoughts in public.
I don’t mean to belittle your feelings about it, but I would find that cute af. There are certainly people around you that would feel the same.
people who shit on people for imperfect language are insecure assholes.
it’s just as stupid online when people grammar police you for written words.
I have imposter syndrome in life. I constantly feel like having to behave in a way I’m not. I’m often times scared in the public in fear of embarrassment or whatever. Certain scenarios already make me freak out in my head before they even have a chance to occur. I keep on not … living … enjoying life. always fearsome of bad things to happen in the future, not giving myself time and room to grieve. My last relationship took my belief that everything is going to be fine, and I was kinda bitter before that already.
I also have imposters at work esp. because I don’t have any degree whatsoever to prove that I know what I am doing, but since it’s worked out for a couple of years that is kind of the least worry most of the time.
You ever think maybe you don’t have imposter syndrome? You’re just telling yourself you do because it feels like it, but you actually don’t have it at all.
Yup, I’m just an actual imposter
Sus
Gasp! It’s actually imposter imposter syndrome!
Looks. Never liked the face, I always look tired or otherwise scary. I’m absolutely blessed to have a preference in living my own life, I can’t imagine trying dating or anything.
Feminine hips and high waist?
femboys are in rn
Life. Only death is safe.
Teeth. Many years of poor dental hygiene.
Irrationally insecure? My weight, or more accurately, my size. I was an eating disordered teen, still get stress anorexia, but even when healthy and relaxed my mind just thinks I am too big, when objectively and logically I know I am in great shape for someone with kids and over half a century of years. I feel fat unless underweight.
Rationally insecure? I don’t trust my job or the economy overall. Have been homeless and so poor, dug out of it and doing great but I am not relaxed about it at all. I don’t think that’s irrational though.
Posting things online.
I have no “traditional” social media accounts, and over half the comments I type here I delete without posting. I don’t like people judging me & talking behind my back, so my introvert tendencies include semi anonymous things like Lemmy.
what about what people say about you IRL behind your back?
What do you got?
My weight fluctuates. Sometimes I bloat up from medicine. Sometimes I can’t eat and lose weight. I can’t seem to just be me and be happy and have people like me no matter what my weight is. It is really frustrating going through your whole life hating your body because of external standards.
“Don’t care what other people think.”
Ok yeah well when you feel like people stare at you and silent judge you all the time, and internally you do the same thing to others and hate yourself even more for being part of the problem.
It’s constant brainwashing of the ‘ideal body’ when the reality is people come in all shapes and sizes. It’s hard to change that mindset when all the ads you see around you tell you differently.
I never feel like I fit in clothing wise no matter what. I’ve figured out a way to make a lot of pocket money and I continually buy clothes and shoes in the hopes that one day I feel right but I seldom do.
May I ask your body type? You don’t have to answer here if you don’t want to, but I have daughters of various shapes but similar sizes, might be able to help. I am literally more confident naked than in badly fitting clothes, you are not crazy. Those pictures you see online are tailored and styled, not off the rack. And often photoshopped as well.
I’m average to hippy, shall we say. I have large breasts so even when I’m at my thinnest I still need larger tops.
What do you like about your body? Like do you like the big boobs, or your height or waist? I always think the big boobs look so good in plunge necklines but sure that’s impractical for everyday wear. I will very, very, very strongly urge you to find a tailor, if you are curvy, they can take those too-big shirts and make them body skimming so that you don’t feel dumpy. They can take in the waist, but also fit it to your shoulders, so that it drapes well.
Lemmy doesn’t have the fashion advice threads like reddit did, I kinda liked those. But if you are not too short, I imagine the nice flowy pants and a closer fit on the top, my sister has the big (purchased) boobs and looks so good in that style. If you are quite petite then straight leg or jogger bottoms that fit a little closer and T- shirt that is high hip length (also works if you are tall but is harder to find the shirts). Again, tailor so the front of the shirt doesn’t land higher than the back. I don’t like dresses but if your waist is the smallest point dresses will be so flattering, close fitting through the bust and high waist then flow downward.
It does depend on what you personally consider assets though, and cultivating an objectivity so you don’t just dismiss every look as not you, not attractive, or not appropriate, you gotta look at yourself as though it’s someone else in the mirror, your body twin, a friend with a similar build.
I like that I’m curvy and I do tend to V necks because the tittays are still impressive even at 50 haha. I am on the shorter side so some stuff just makes me look dumpy, like long dresses or high waisted stuff. I just did a big clothes shop and did really well, but I always end up feeling underdressed somehow? And I gravitate towards bright colours and prints when other people seem to be in black leggings and runners.
The bright colors and patterns will be such a glorious old lady style though, when you get old!
I live in Florida & underdressed isn’t a thing here. I would bet money that all you really need is a tailor, it’s not surprising you would feel dumpy if you have to buy clothes based on your bust size and they are too big everywhere else. Especially if you are curvy petite. There are so many gifted seamstresses working out of houses where I live, it’s a thriving cottage industry. There is an ancient old black lady who lives behind us that does my kids’ clothes when they are going to quinces and bat mitzvahs, proms, all those fancy ass parties you have to look good for, I can’t afford actual evening wear and the seamstresses can turn the thrift store dresses into great looking unique stuff for them. Do not learn to sew. Just find someone good at it.
That’s a good idea. Thank you for all the advice!
This entire exchange was incredibly wholesome and made my day
big billowy clothing is in right now. it’s not supposed to ‘fit’.
My singleness. I know the problem is me but I can’t seem to be the person people want.
Maybe it’s not that you can’t be what someone else wants, but that you aren’t finding or building relationships with the people that would want you. There are so many people with such vasts tastes, that there is someone for everyone, even serial killers or 40 year olds that dress in diapers. Whatever you are, there are people that are looking for that. It’s a matter of finding and building a relationship with them. ♥️
