I’m struggling to figure out how to make friends without having Instagram or any other social media. I have discord but don’t use it much. I see all my acquaintances in discord channels and sharing Instagram posts and stuff. It’s already hard for me to make friends, but I feel like not having any of the traditional social media means I’m not included in any of that stuff.
Do you just accept that Instagram and shit are the way people interact and use it?
Interact with local people in your area or wherever you go.
Write letters to your current friends if you know their mail address.
Look at business cards from other people.
If you have neighbors, get to know them.
These are some ideas I came up with for you.
Interacting with local people is definitely a good one. If there are any community events, especially recurrent ones, go there!
just dont.
But I’m really lonely and I think I need friends.
You aren’t the only one feeling that way, just put yourself in a position to meet others. Start going to meetups of things that interest you, or, at the very least, engage with others on things that interest them and you’ll usually find common ground eventually. It can feel difficult and awkward, but everybody struggles with that when they first start to put themselves out there. Just persevere, you’ll find people.
You don’t. People need fulfillment, not human interaction. Find something you are passionate about and pour your time and effort into it. Buy a classic car and restore it. Learn how to make your own furniture. Start learning photography. Write a book. Develop a program or app. Start a fitness routine. Brew your own beer. Learn a foreign language. The list is endless.
What matters is doing something that brings you satisfaction. A hobby that involves creating something or improving yourself is so much better than wasting time with other people. Spend a day hanging out with friends, and what do you have at the end of the day? Nothing. Spend a day planting a garden, and what do you have at the end of the day? You have a nice garden.
I kind of disagree. I have some hobbies and I’ve done some of those things, but what matters to me is the human connection. So at the end of the day you have your herb garden, who cares? It’s just going to die eventually, or you’ll eat it, and it regrows. An endless cycle of no one giving a shit.
But having someone to connect with and share an experience with, that’s what matters to me.
What is human connection, though? It’s your brain releasing dopamine because you spent time with another person. It matters to you because it makes you feel good. Other things can make you feel good, too. The difference is that hobbies and activities won’t let you down. They won’t stop being your hobby because they’d rather spend time with someone else. People are unreliable and ultimately selfish at heart.
Say you make a friend. 60 years from now, you and your friend are both dead, and what’s left behind? Nothing. I’m not old, but I’m certainly not young either. It took me a while to realize that other people just don’t matter. In the end, nothing matters at all; everything you and I do is ultimately going to fade into irrelevance when we’re dead. Might as well make the most of the time we have alive, then; do something that makes you happy. Don’t rely on another selfish human being for your happiness.
I find that in times of my life when I felt lonely, there were usually other issues that led to that feeling beyond the actual lack of people.
Sometimes, the answer isn’t to seek out friends but to try to figure out how to become a person that people would want to be friends with. Part of that is putting yourself out there, but that will be more successful if it comes from a place of self improvement.
Do you just accept that Instagram and shit are the way people interact and use it?
Yes. Without it I would probably be even more lonely than I am today.
Go to a real supermarket (without ordering online!).
Wait until you see a random person there.
Smile and say “Nice butt!”
Either you die or you get a booty call. Odds are not in your favor.
You don’t. For what I’ve seen is something people are born with it, the perk to make friends in every situation… my younger brother have dozens of friends, actual friends, I have 0. I just live with it.
That’s how I’ve always felt. I’ve always been the friend of those people. I’ve only ever made 1 actual, deep connection with a person. And it’s deeeeep. And I couldn’t tell you how it happened. But I partly feel like I’m losing that, and I won’t ever be able to get it back, or replicate it with someone else.
Linux users groups Maker spaces Artisian guilds (metal working, wood working, etc) Clubs Volunteer with places Get involved in local politics Work a career and network with people
Etc
Social media honestly is very lack luster in mak8ng deeper friendships to me
I’m a firm believer in friends through building solidarity. I helped organize a union at my workplace, and became a steward. Being united in struggle has brought me closer to the people around me. If you’re too nervous for that, volunteer for a local cause you care about. If there aren’t any, start organizing your community.
I think it’s just so overwhelming to start from nothing with new people. I have essentially one person in my life who I’ve spent almost 2 decades with. I’ve always had trouble with balance. I have a few acquaintances, but I recently realized I need to have a closer relationship with more than 1 person.
Go to a pub, get drunk.
find a hobby and join up with folks that do the same locally. join a gym. go to a local pub and watch some sports. I find this far better than social media, however I also live in a (small) city; i don’t know how people manage in rural areas.
Volunteer. You’ll meet the best people.
What if you don’t want to help people?
Volunteer with pets!
Help animals then…
That isn’t true at all. Plenty of volunteers are shitty people.
A group I was recently with just had a huge scandal because someone who joined had a sexual offender records and we were working with kids… he basically fucked everyone over and the entire org had to stop operations for months until every member clear background checks.
All the best people volunteer. I stand by this. Sorry you had an experience with a shitty person also volunteering. Part of non-profit management is dealing with shitty volunteers.
The first thing I think of when I hear volunteer is soup kitchen, and after a quick check it turn out my local one doesn’t need any more people at this time. What are some other places one can volunteer, that might not be so obvious?
Maybe a local advocacy group, one that aligns with your interests and values?
How do you make friends with social media?
sounds genuinely creepy.
fellas is it creepy to have internet friends
sometimes!
Which is why I’ve made zero friends on social media.
I think it’s more just that it’s a low stakes way to “hang out” and chat without any commitment or pressure. At least that’s how I see the value
Ride a bike. Touch grass. You’ll meet someone eventually…
Meetup.com, search some interests, find some groups, go to some events, talk to people and slowly build those connections with those that you click with. Or all that via more general web searching, meetup is just a convenient hub.
Checked it out and learned there’s Thursday Night Dodgeball near me. Ok, this is actually useful.
Don’t forget your training wrench! 🔧
Dang. The website said there is no groups or events anywhere at any time within 100 miles of me. What do lmao
Befriend the wildlife
Trash pandas are friends. Got it
Are people you follow and who follow you really friends or is it primarily just about increasing the amount of followers? I’ve never had any social media aside from MySpace, but I consider my friends as family. Sure, I bet a lot of Instagram accounts have more followers than I have friends, but we’re all stoked to know one another and it has nothing to do with appearances.
I’m not talking about random followers. I’m talking about how to keep in touch and get closer to people who you just met. Like sure you exchange numbers, but then what? You might text them to go do an activity. But that’s only every so often.
I guess I just don’t know how it works, and I see everyone exchanging Instagram posts and in group discords and I don’t know how to be included and involved
I text and call my friends just to chat way more often then to hang. It’s definitely a little bit of both, but I stay in touch regularly using signal. I’m an oddity these days for sure, yet it’s still an option and way more private vs social media.
What was the common thread from when you met the person? How did you hit it off with them?
If you met at a bar, text them later asking if they’ve been to a certain brewery that just opened up (although this could sound like a soft invite to go there, so be prepared for that). If you connected about movies, tv shows, or music, ask them if they saw that new movie (show, album) that’s related to whatever you talked about (same director, sense of humor, style of movie, etc). Basically, just continue the conversation with them. Talk about related things and start to branch out, maybe you’ll find other common interests and things to talk about. You can send an article that you think they’d be interested in. Or a meme about their job.
But make sure that the conversation isn’t one sided. If you’re always the one starting the conversation or carrying it, maybe back off some. They should be just as engaged as you are.
What was the common thread from when you met the person? How did you hit it off with them?
So I’ve been married for 12 years, and we’ve been together since college, where we met. And my wife’s basically the only person I interact with socially. And I think I’m straining my marriage by using her as my crutch. I’ve kind of relied on her for literally all of my socializing, like tagging along with her and her friends. But I’ve recently realized that that’s not healthy and I need someone to talk and interact with independent of her. But it’s really hard.
I had a time where I had to make new friends in a new city, and what I learned is that you have to take initiative a lot in the beginning of a new friendship. You have to suggest something to do together maybe the first 2 - 4 times. After some time it should be more equal if not find some other friends.
My husband complains of the same - that his only socialization is with my friends. Does your wife know you’re lonely? I bet her friends’ husbands are feeling it too
Meetup.com and volunteering.
Outside of work and school, I think pretty much all of my friends are from some sort of group, often volunteering stuff
Edit: or friends I met through friends
