Frakkin Cylons! I knew it!
Frakkin Cylons! I knew it!
You may attract python too!
Look at the high falootin rich folks throwin away a perfectly good retread like that.
Now, therefore, as president I shall urge the Congress to enact the Writ of Habeas Dorkus, requiring a person under the influence of cerebral diarrhea to be brought before some type of human greater than 4 and one-half years of age, especially to secure the person’s sufficient mental competence to be able to wipe their own ass without first tuning in to the TV for guidance, specific instruction, and moral support.
Saw a kid puke in the pool once on a Disney cruise. You shoulda seen those cast members come running in full hazmat suits and shut down the entire deck! A finely tuned machine, like swappin tires at the Indy 500. If Disney ever got into the military-industrial complex they would take over the world. Worth every penny.
There is nothing on that seasonal display barge worth 150 dollary-doos. Or is there? What year is it and what’s the inflation rate?
I’m also mildly concerned about the handcuffs in the top-shelf plastic bin.
If that was the one with the built-in sharpener, that kid was ballin’
Why would one ever need to sharpen crayons? Why you ask? Because reasons!
If it’s on I-5 in the CA central valley, it’s doesn’t. It sits in the fast lane right next to its buddy blocking traffic for 50 miles. Then it can’t get it up when ol’ Tehachapi comes a callin.
For me it was the guy in slide one with the lil’ sebastian pony tail. Brick man is just the washed up kool-aid man after the royalties ran out and the brain damage kicked it from repeated head trauma (plus diabeetus). Ohh nooo!
That hideous alien creature on the wing during a storm? Me. That’s me. I saved 19 bucks on my ticket and got TWO bags of peanuts on standby! The peanuts blew away one by one somewhere over Iowa but I had beef jerky backup, as all responsible travelers do.
That guy stuffed into a 1970’s Samsonite in the unpressurized baggage hold? Also me.
One time I mailed myself through USPS. If it fits it ships flat rate!! It hurt when I got drop-kicked onto a porch though. More emotionally than anything else.
Maybe I’m just physically intimidating, or a braggart, but I always get the full can of soda
The legroom may force me to drink it with my knees above my head, but still, chalk up a win for the common man
If you roll an average of 2.37 Cavendish bananas length of duct tape between your index and middle finger, you can make a sticky booger ball that tastes like an olive (or maybe boogers, depending on your pH and relative gastrointestinal ‘transit time’). As a limited time offer it also removes warts!
“Yeah, well I’m going to start losing even harder!”
"Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
The figure is somewhere above 0%, but certainly not zero. For example, haven’t you seen the crap blaster 9000 infomercial at 2AM on a Tuesday? You connect that bad boy to a fire hydrant (vendor liability disclaimed), pull the turbo-diesel engine rip cord, and wear a full body bio-hazard suit with air supply (suggested). Not for use with some sets. Batteries not included.
Ahh, sweet memories; sometimes they overflow.
You should hear the cries of the memories, right before they are garbage collected. “Wait, I need that!”
“Bring in the logic probe!”
The key to creamy cream - free soup - is hiding in your pantry. Because your kids had a tantrum and tore all the labels off of the cans you stocked up at the start of Covid lock-down, when society was surely going to crumble. Botulism roulette!
Yes, I’m something of a motorboaterist myself…
Browser: “Are you gonna order somethin’ kid!?” (all subsequent data streams to Google for future sale)
User: “Uh yeah, give me, gimme a tab.”
Browser: “A tab. I can’t give you a tab unless you order something!”
User: “But I’m jonesin for some saccharin … not that newtra-schweddy or whatever it is”
Biff Yaml enters; sits two spaces down, feeling sexagesimal: “What are you looking at, BUTTHEAD!?” (all of his comments are one line)
Python Strickland enters: "User what are you doing? Four spaces are used for indentation. You got a real attitude problem, user; you’re a slacker! You remind me of your dunder father when he went here; he was a slacker, too! Quack quack. (his package is poorly managed)
Linus Torvalds enters: heavy breathing … curses in Finnish (Älykääpiö!) … gits out
IBM Selectric: “Hold my beer … and my ball”
Obnoxious neighbor kid walks in (a real ascii): Invokes char(11)/VT; sits on the floor. His Mylar balloon flies away, hits a high voltage line, and the power goes out.
Browser: “Well, looks like the milkshake machine’s broken.”
Teletype Model 28 looks up from drinking coffee and reading the morning paper tape: “I would like to be … modified”
Doc Mill (nee’ Rampazetto) enters: (shudders) “Momma bollocks!”
During this time, Helium was on a noble mission and did not react.
Yo dawg, we heard you like engine braking so we gave you engine breaking in your engine braking!