That’s a bit unfortunate but understandable. We all have things we want, it’s subjective and you’re as entitled to be happy and get what you want, as anybody else… Unfortunately the universe doesn’t exactly ‘owe’ that to us.

In that case I’m not sure what I’d like to advise you. It’s kind if a bummer and maybe I can sympathise. And both of your problems are big ones and not something that gets solved over night. Generally there are two options: Give up or don’t give up. The first thing isn’t really an option and the second requires you to put in some effort and try to change things around. Sometimes it’s really hard to get what you want and you fail over and over in the process. That’s not unique to your situation. But I think I can empathize how it feels if you already tried that and always failed.

On the flipside, I don’t know your exact situation. But it seems you’re quite down. You write you’re 34. I think that’s a common time to get a mid-life crisis. To reconsider your life 'cause now you’re not young anymore and you have to consider how to finally achieve things that life didn’t grant you until then. That’s not your fault.

I think it’s hard to get out of that. But I’d like to encourage you to think over with a broader perspective. It’s now that you’re not seeing any way out. That’s not necessarily true but it’s how you feel now. You somehow need to dig yourself out of that. You owe that to your future you, in case there is the slightest possibility that there is a way, you just don’t see it now. You fail until you don’t. And there is no way to know in advace how many more times you have to fail.

Get professional help. Call one of the helplines and just talk to them. They’re more skilled than internet strangers and they have some contacts they can connect you with. Maybe you need a doctor, I don’t really know.

As of now I think you need some coping strategy to get into a position where you’re able to do something (again) and not just feel down and dwell in that. I know that’s easier said then done…

Btw, and I don’t quite get if you’re comfortable where you are, or whether you aren’t. You post here regularly. You don’t have a drivers license, you gave up staying in shape, you gave up practicing an instrument… You want advice but you don’t want advice… I’m not sure what to make of this. Like if you want to become someone else, go ahead. Pick up the things you mentioned and actually do it.

And another word of unsolicited advice: People who are just ‘downers’ aren’t attractive. If you want someone to be interested in you, you gotta at least have something that’s interesting about you. Or be funny or at least be nice and not overly negative around people you’d like to meet again. And people who don’t care about anything also aren’t attractive.