When I was a young kid, I had a cat that was front-declawed (this was before it was well known that it’s an abusive practice - my folks didn’t know better at the time). Because he couldn’t shred the paper with his claws, he showed his spite by chewing up the roll so it looked like he’d clawed it. Didn’t matter which direction the roll was.
I loved that cat. He was so smart.
Each hand pets the ones on the sides; then kisses to the middle. Not as good as having three hands, but it works.