I, just wanna stop feeling anything. Never had friends but I could live with that, but I just want someone to embrace, someone that feels something for me, even if doesn’t last. Better than 0 for the rest of my life. This situation is slowly killing me.
The only thing that gives me some relief is gaming… (I read the post of like a ago here that several dudes met their partner thanks to a videogame and I felt even sadder, why that wasn’t me? I’ve been gaming for 30 years now).
Friends also help with loneliness.
Don’t skip friends. Romantic relationships are friendships+ with the difficulty level dialed up by x10. If someone can’t build and keep friends, a romantic relationship is likely to be bad and will fix nothing.
If you literally just want a hug and don’t currently have someone in your life to do that with, paying is an option. Friends can also give hugs.
I don’t really know.
I’ve made some bad experiences in school when the general narrative was “men are all bad people” so I distanced myself from anyone. But that’s a stupid way of society.
Men are not all bad people. You need to look at the person individually. Go out and have some self-confidence. Ask yourself: how would you see yourself? What if you encountered yourself, how would you react? I think answering these questions helps you to find a path in life that works better for you.
Hope that I could help you.
I would fuck myself honestly. I don’t care about hobbies or being “interesting”. Why not the rest can be like that?
honestly, from what i’ve heard, lots of gay men seem to think like that.
Oh FFS don’t call be gay just for saying that, I’m not fucking gay. I’m saying that if I were a girl I would have sex with me, ME. Only because, yeah I’m a loser, but I’m not a bad person and I don’t care about someone’s hobbies. If I could pick a girl using a magic spell the last thing I would care is if she’s “interesting” or “quirky”. For me if she’s isn’t social that’s a plus.
I don’t care about someone’s hobbies.
If you care about someone, you pay attention and show interest anyway. I don’t give two shits about Taylor Swift, but I know SO much about it because my wife loves it, and I play along.
Isn’t that lying? You just said it, you don’t give a shit. I’m being 100 percent honest with this “imaginary other person”… But I guess people don’t care about honesty these days. I guess asking someone loving and me loving her back just for “us” without the need of being interesting is impossible.
That’s the neat part, I don’t.
Work on meeting your own needs, inner and outer. Strangely, when you are whole within yourself (I’m not talking about rich, good looking, live in a certain area and drive a certain car, I’m talking about addressing things within your means and loving you, for who you are, inside out, taking care of yourself, parenting yourself --healthiest foods you can acquire on your budget, regular mental and physical hygeine, spiritual if that applies to you, a running gratitude list regardless, so you focus on the positive, even if small), you glow, and people are attracted to positivity.
Along with all the great answers being supplied about what to do to be out there in the world, what you are proposing can’t be overstated; I would make explicit in that to take an ongoing frank look at how you show up in life
Idk about OP here, but with so many similar posts I notice, for instance, people who basically blame others, or wallow in a woe is me attitude, all the while putting down any suggestions floated their way. We are the common denominator in our own lives. Learning to be honest about our role in things is crucial
Yes. Sure; and most are too shell -shocked to accept that, at first. I certainly was, at least. In my personal opinion, most of us need a little nurturing and time to allow spiritual bones to knit back together a bit first, so the elementary work offers a brief respite from the hamster wheel until we become able to work through the 12th year coursework and get off the wheel. I guess post secondary learns how to stay off the wheel for extended periods, and post grad is a whole other wheel we choose, for self-development in appropriate levels for appropriate times.
There a balance between being gentle and mollycoddling, and each individual and circumstance dictate that balance. And as always, “new levels, new devil’s.” Ourselves being the first, middle, last pit boss, always. We just use others as mirrors and kid ourselves about it, sometimes, for funnies and development, in equal measure. The really neat trick for me, is learning how to STAY PRESENT, in the present moment, especially when it’s painful, because that’s where I’ll find the most answers, doing the homework. In the end, that’s justice, and the difference between karma and dharma has just as often seemed to be in millimeters, as often, if not more often, than light years.
Strictly speaking, I’m not an incel (femcel?) if that’s what you’re getting at, in fact I’m an asexual. I am technically an infren (femfren? The suffix “fren” is used to denote a social angle.) though because of all the incels. The things I score low on that stand in the way of me and a good circle are A) conversationalist skills B) the capacity to fulfill physical needs (I’m told I look like I’d work out but that’s as far as it would go) C) opportunities (I did fall to the bottom of popularity at school, so being someone’s classmate/workmate cannot save me) and D) hobbies. There are also a few things about me that rub a lot of people the wrong way, my orientation being the prime one of these.
Idk about OP here, but with so many similar posts I notice, for instance, people who basically blame others, or wallow in a woe is me attitude, all the while putting down any suggestions floated their way.
It’s all the same dude. You can line up the creation of each account to the time the previous one was banned going back like 2 months now. He’s on I think his 14th account now. OP is a ban evader, an incel, and persistent troll.
And here I am trying to help this guy with suggestions. You’re right - there’s like 15 people doing the same thing. Same attitude, same responses, same “no can do” attitude. Gotta be the same person - shame on me for falling for it.
That’s why I’ve spent a little bit of effort keeping track of all of OP’s accounts and calling him out. Because his trolling is very effective. His writing style is really good at pulling on people’s heartstrings and then when they show any kind of sympathy he makes them regret it by wasting their time with his nonsense.
I’m not one of those people who cares about wealth, good looks, etc. I’m just genuinely someone who is on her own a lot, more socially than in terms of coupling. For a few reasons, I am a fish out of water in my area, which is to me what Rock Bottom was to Spongebob. I can’t expand on the few unreachable freebie friends I have so as long as I score a zero in conversationalism and so as long as neither school or work has helped in this regard. The most interaction I get a day is with my pup, and I barely speak a dozen or so sentences a day. On top of all that, almost everyone wants me to be their GF/mate/whatever, leading to the added precaution of socialization traps, not least since I have an awkwardly low drive or physical focus, and I’m talking mostly about people who won’t take no for an answer. I’ve only ever fully (as opposed to interpretively incompletely) obliged once, and despite us still being close, that’s a part of how I ever knew the difference in the first place.
My darling, it sounds as if you have very low self esteem. That’s a learned belief, and a survival mechanism. How accessible is therapy to you? Better if good therapy is available, but that’s pricey where I live. I can’t give you a hug irl; please wrap your arms around yourself and know, just know, that’s a long, firm cyber hug from me. Best best best to you, and I’ve to begin another level of study on my vocational path and it is intense. So if I don’t reply for some days, just know my time is so very scant and I will reply as I can.
Or maybe, you know? Life sucks in general for some of us? Therapy won’t do shit for us.
This isn’t overly helpful I suppose, but I enjoy being alone. I go out to eat by myself, to the movies, shopping. So my suggestion is do the things you enjoy regardless.
I wear it like armor. When you don’t need people, they become a bonus in an already happy life.
I’ve done that for years, going to the arcade alone, watching MCU movies (when they were still watchable)… It gets sadder every year
Hobbies, Lemmy, Paying attention to my needs.
Getting outside can help- a walk, dog park, outdoor cafe, …
The family already has a dog
How do you feel about the dog? Would you be willing to take him/her for a short walk each day? Having someone/something that depends on you can be huge. When my son was struggling he got a cat. It gave him a reasom to go home each night. Sometimes you’ll do for someone else what you won’t do for yourself.
No, not really. I was against having it.
Having a dog helped me really get to know lots of people in the area when I moved home to somewhere totally new to me. Having a really friendly and safe dog breed makes you immediately so much more approachable, an ice breaker conversation (the dog), and a regular opportunity to meet the same people out and about.
If you’re in a situation where a dog is a good choice, I’d really recommend it.
I would add that demonstrating that you know how to love and care for another being also makes you feel safer and more approachable to someone weary of strange men. It’s a great way to put a potential victim at ease.
Hobby groups. Be it hiking, book clubs, dog activities, wood carving, painting, electronics, photography, amateur radio, stargazing, coffee tasting… Anything really. As long as it gets you out of the house regularly.
Have a look around meetup.com and see what your city has to offer. Join a few different ones, don’t just give up because you didn’t like the first one.
And also don’t be the one who introduces themselves as someone who came because you’re lonely. That gives of a desperate vibe that can set people on edge.
Getting involved with group activities is always the best answer. Hobby groups is a fantastic suggestion. Don’t overlook volunteering, too. And like Viking says, don’t be clingy. Relax and focus on the activity first, and let the social stuff happen naturally.
I agree. If you’re not looking for hobbies (plural) that are fun just for the sake of fun (not meeting people) - then you’re short changing yourself in many levels. When you’re passionate about a hobby, it’s almost impossible not to make friends. When you make friends, you’ll meet their friends, and with all those people - your chances of finding something more than friends increases.
Video games can be very social IRL, but it’s not the norm in my experience. Some suggestions: Go to a gun range, archery range, axe throwing, anything target based and show up for a public shooting day. Those people (myself included) LOVE people who are new to the sport and they’ll let you use all their equipment and show you how to do it. Pick up a pool cue and start practicing by yourself at a pool hall. You’ll become a regular and again people love to show you the ropes with that sport. Join a fishing club - it’s not just old men who do that (although there’s plenty of them) but before you know it you’re going on other people’s boats and whatnot. Mountain biking - requires more cash to get going as you need a bike - but those people are animals and are always looking for people to go on a ride with. Get involved with your local library and book clubs if you like to read. Again more expensive- but golf. Lots of people who love to golf - if you go alone, you’ll usually get paired up with and find others to golf with. You get the idea, pick up an instrument, rc cars or planes, habitat for humanity - there are endless things to do and you’ll soon be looking forward to your alone time ;)
I’m not passionate about anything unfortunately. I only like videogames. Anything gun related is basically illegal or complicated here and you need lots of money also a person like me shouldn’t be close to guns. And I live in the middle of nowhere, to do high school, the teens need to go to another city, just think about that.
Ya I mean it’s hard to meet people if they aren’t around. I don’t know what “the middle of nowhere means”. Some people really do live where there just aren’t people around. But lots of people use that phrase when places of gathering are half an hour or maybe an hour away. I’d suggest it’s still worth the drive if you can figure that out.
I was suggesting targeting type things, not necessarily just guns - because they tend to have low barriers of entry. Pool, bowling, archery, darts, etc. They also tend to have social components as well (happens in a bar for example, or there’s a club house/place where people meet). Leads to other things. Sports are also great - even if you’re not athletic and bad at sports. Especially the “weird” sports - you may find something non traditional that you’re good at, and usually people are super happy just to have anyone who wants to participate.
Just things to think about - that’s all. Find out what people near you do. There’s gotta be something. Then go try it even if it doesn’t sound like your thing. You may like it, you may not. Keep doing that and sooner or later you will find something to be passionate about.
Meeting people - romantic or otherwise - is a result of you engaging with people and enjoying the thing/hobby/whatever you’re doing together. People who share common things gravitate toward each other personally. That’s just the way it works - embrace it my friend! Go have some fun! ;)
I wish that’s how would work to me… Trust me, is not. And again I really don’t care about others people’s hobbies most of the time, I don’t expect a person doing the same, if only I could be with someone without being “forced” to become someone else.
And I can’t go to have some fun when nothing gives me fun.
Meet up isn’t a thing here. I live in the middle of nowhere.
How about some facebook groups, Craigslist or whatnot?
Same thing. And Facebook is used mostly by old adults. And I don’t use Facebook anyways, I hate that place and hate being bombarded with photos of generic attractive girls I don’t know
Then I guess your options would be to look for events in the next bigger city, or consider moving.
Middle of nowhere and fighting loneliness don’t exactly go well together.
I literally can’t move, live with my mother and currently I don’t have a job and can’t drive a car (not like we have one anyways)
go to a retirement home and chat up some folks. they secretly know tons of people.
or go volunteer somewhere vaguely interesting. tell people you’re shy but like warm hugs.
Joke answer: this is the Fediverse… we don’t!
Real answer: consider a pet, like if you are an indoor person (you said gaming) then perhaps a cat?
The hardest part of all is learning to accept and thereby being able to live with yourself. That will take some therapy - by which I mean effort and time, maybe money if you have it - and is so worth it, bc our parents fucked us up something fierce.
But in the meantime, a pet will love you forever if you treat it right.
We have already a pet, it’s really nothing life changing.
Prozac, MMORPGs, dog.
Get urself a dog. Walk it every day. Threat the dog right and it will be the most loyal companion. Said dog will help you meet other people.
I’ve been in trouble in dog situations. Also the family already has a dog.
So you’re already at step one, treat and train it well and it’ll be loyal like you’ve never seen before. Take it to dog parks and long walks, best wingman you’ll ever have.
And do yourself a favor and get a session or two with a dog trainer. They can teach you magical things about dog psyche. And your dog will love you even more if you provide it a good, structured life.
Yes, this, except TREAT instead of threat. You won’t feel alone with your best little friend
I will tell you that at least initially you shouldn’t be looking for a partner/SO. Just try finding someone (online or real life) regardless of gender to do some activity that you both enjoy together. Don’t be a weirdo, creepy, edgy, simp, nice guy, that will help ya, but also look on how to have conversations, have some good sense of humour, and be an emotionally aware and empathetic person. Ask for and set expectations/boundaries. And try to enjoy what you’re both doing. And remember, love is not enough.
My local library has a tech mentors program where you teach people how to work computers. I do it once every two weeks. It makes me feel like a rock star every time I go. If you’re on Lemmy, you’re qualified.
Changed everything for me!
Also looks good on a resume.
