He’s unemployed, autistic, spends his free time configuring Linux distros, doomscrolling and falling down Wikipedia rabbit holes. You won’t believe how he met his wife!
Wait, but how did you meet your wife though?
I too choose this guy’s wife.
I asked for her number in a night club, she was the bartender.
3 long lines of ‘headline’ won’t get you any clicks (and no wife)
Man goes to memorial service and learns coworker’s shocking secret!
Do tell
My stepmom’s mom died, I found out my coworker sings in her church’s choir.
If you knew him, you’d be shocked too.
This is just how the click baits turn out too
Hey shitty news sites! I’m accepting bids for part time click bait writing!
You Won’t Believe This Guy’s Crazy Knife Collection!
Retired at 38 and living childless with his wife in the countryside… What will he do with the rest of his life? #7 may surprise you.
WHATS #7 damnit‽
Waiting for help, this shocking new treatment might be just what was needed!
Nurgle mistakenly identifies local sedentary fatass as living in tribute to him, rewards him with the blessing of now 4 weeks of continuous digestive plague.
“Which programming language will kill you the fastest? One man searches for the answer.”
Assembly.
Might I refer you to Brainfuck, or perhaps Whitespace?
Do let me know of the outcome!
I’ve found calling HTML a programming language helps.
Spoiler
“The hackers chainsaw” - Forth
Old Reverse Polish Yoda can kill with one Word.
Man dies killing two cars on bicycle, his zombie stole my KOM ten years later.
Fail compilation 2024 (watch till the end 😂👌)
Millennials are killing the idea of retirement!
Local fuckup reclaims a meager portion of his dignity using this one weird trick
“Virtually legless breed of alien woman hides in plain sight, sighted in Pitcairn and dumped in VT by her family after fleeing the people of NY!”
Man tasked with feeding his best friend’s dog his last meal. You’ll never believe what was on the menu!
Chaos Condo in Manila: Yowling cat, BDSM couple and Nose Job Woes Shake Up Quiet Night.
I am not kidding. Life is strange sometimes.
Okay, I’m hooked, I have to know the non-clickbait story
Also across the hall there is a phone that rings for 10 full minutes, every day.
And the aircon smells like mold.
And the windows are stuck shut.
And the bathroom smells a bit like sewer.
Sorry, got on a roll there.
This reads like the lyrics to a Godspeed You! Black Emperor song. Like a more depressing Dead Flag Blues.
All I know is that it would be a headline from The Onion.