For LGBTQ+ folks who want to blend in, what tips or advice can you give?
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Don’t act straight, don’t try to blend it unless you live in Alabama with your parents. Be yourself.
I’m straight and I’ve been accused of being gay before for being an intellectual and compassionate and not demonstrating an affinity for sports and similar competing with other men. I’ve also been accused of being trans before because of an affinity for playing female characters in tabletop (I like diverse groups so I often play female or black characters because many other folks won’t) and computer RPGs (I prefer to stare at a woman’s ass all day over a man’s and I tend to enjoy the voice acting better).
So I guess don’t do anything I do.
I cross my legs at the thighs when I sit, and I’ve been told all my life that it’s a feminine trait. It’s just comfy, IDGAF.
For gay men, where hats and wear clothes that kind of clash. Drab colors too. My fave is grey shirts and grey pants.
dont wear hats. (except a sports cap if you like sports)
Look at straight people and act like them? I’m not really sure what to respond. But I know several people who don’t really stand out. And I mean it’s not like we talk about sex and partners all the time on the street or at work. So unless you wear an outrageous dress or have a crazy wig, or tell me… I won’t really notice if you’re queer, or if you have different sexual preferences than me. (I’m not really sure if we’re talking about outer appearance here, or every day situations like going to the supermarket, or hiding your true self from close friends and relatives…) I mean generally it helps not to act too extroverted if you want to blend in, because being loud will get you attention.
I was going to say how would I be able to tell your sexual orientation?? Just act normal. Its only a bit more obvious when someone has a more flamboyant affliction to their speech or dress with a clear label on their clothes that they are LGBT+
True. Though I think the speech thing is some stereotype, and educated people should avoid doing that. I know the average person immediately jumps to conclusions if you talk a certain way… But I’ve learned early on in my teens that this isn’t a reliable way to tell apart gay people from straight people… But I agree with what’s being said here. If you want to avoid being labeled, don’t talk in a “gay” way and don’t be overly nice to people as a man. Or be empathetic or whatever good traits you might have… But that’s all more stereotypes for gay men. Out of all the possibilities of being LGBTQ+
(And people get labeled anyways. I also get asked, predominantly by children, why I have long hair. So the stereotypes start with very simple things. I still don’t know how to react to that. Should I tell them I’m just a nerd and computer programmer, and that’s the stereotype they should internalize? (Edit: I’m a bit sarcastic… I usually tell them everyone can have their hair however they like.))
I agree with the speech thing and apologize. There are just same people that are very flamboyant where I live because they are proud and should be.
As I have said before, I dont think I would be able to tell. Theres nothing to do to blend in if you’re just yourself 🤷♀️
By the way: I don’t think you were wrong before… That’s the stereotype. I think it’s a valid thing to discuss, so no need to apologize. It’s stupid, but it’s definitely out there. And I guess it’s different at different places of the world anyways. And in different age groups etc. I still don’t know what OP is talking about… I mean I kind of think those details and the context matter to answer an exact question.
And I’ve also met all kinds of different people… Extroverted, flamboyent, introverted, people who like to talk about themselves or people who prefer to keep that private. I think I agree, with most people and in every day situations, there is just no way of telling who they are or what they like.
It’s a real thing though
Sure. I didn’t want to say it’s not a stereotype or not some real dynamics behind that. It’s just unreliable. Thanks for the link btw, I didn’t knew these studies with numbers existed. If I’m super bored, I’m gonna read some of that. But the first study is wild in the abstract already, mentioning homosexuality in one sentence with another word that we don’t longer deem acceptable to mention in the same context… Guess the world has changed a bit since 1994. But there are newer studies linked as well…
Though I think the speech thing is some stereotype, and educated people should avoid doing that. I know the average person immediately jumps to conclusions if you talk a certain way
It is common enough to be a recognizable trend even if it is not 100% accurate. That is how it ended up a stereotype.
The only problem is when someone assumes it is always true.
The speech thing definitely but long hair nowadays no don’t think so. I mean the man bun is a thing.
The only way I knew my coworker was a lesbian was because she told me about her wife. Literally just be a normal human, and no one will think either way.
Just don’t wear it on your sleeve and most folks, (the idiots that care, especially), are unlikely to notice. They look for stereotypes, not facts. Your sexuality isn’t the whole of you, it’s just part of who you are. No need to flaunt it, most of the time. If you have a hobby, interest, or career that stereotypically matches the sex you present as, it’s all the more likely no one will notice, and those few that do, probably won’t care.
That is a funny question. I’ve had gay friends who people mistook for straight and vice versa.
But if looking for stereotypes - if you are a man, dress worse. If you are a woman, dress better. Don’t obviously eye people of the same sex. Give up hope of flirting in public.
Speech Cadence. I know some people do it, and some don’t, but if you do it (and I hope you know what I mean) then at the very least, this will immediately lead many people to assume you are LGBTQ+, regardless of how true it may be. I say this in the interest of helping, and sincerely hope it does not imply or convey any sort of bias on my part. The fact that people in this country need this information right now deeply saddens and angers me.
Pick 3 shirts, 3 pants, mix and matchable. Only wear those shirts and pants. Wash them all in the same load. Do not read the instructions. Do not iron them.
Shoes. 1 pair. 2 if one of them is for mowing the lawn.
Move with a purpose. Do not stop to enjoy the finer things. You’ve got place to be that matters more than any beauty that might inspire you.
Do not dog whistle at hunky construction workers. We all want to, but the straight men manage to resist most of the time.
That should cover about 95% of it.
Edit: this is advice is primarily for gay men. I can’t really give “straight advice” to women.
Do not dog whistle at hunky construction workers. We all want to, but the straight men manage to resist most of the time.
We do, although it is terribly difficult. We calculate every route so as to avoid construction sites.
Yes, this is why straight men are often lateI break out in a cold sweat when I’m driving and I see that particular hue of orange on a roadsign. I turn my volume and bass all the way up for my music so no one can hear my catcalls.
Are you really gay? You know so much about straight guys, it’s perfect.
Not gay (yet). My LGBTQ+ friends have described me as “hopelessly straight”.
If you were a man, I would’ve recommended not touching other men’s penises, but then I remembered that “sacking” (aka. penis poking) is a thing.
I’ve seen some allegedly straight men defend the practice as if it were the straightest and most manly thing in the world to play that game.
You only bag tag your broseph, bag tagging a coworker is insane.
imo doing that to anyone is insane, lol
How would anyone know your sexual orientation if you dont specifically do things to show it?
Like, dont grab another mans/womans ass in public, dont talk about nice dicks/boobs you saw in a magazine. Dont act like what people generally associate with the other sex (this one might be difficult if your interests lie in those fields). I think homosexuals that stand out a lot are usually aware of it and like to act it out.
I think homosexuals that stand out a lot are usually aware of it and like to act it out.
What a pedestrian view of your own culture. Sad.
Not sure what you mean. There are definitely homosexuals that show it openly and get into a kind of ‘role’, actively acting out the cliches, no need to deny that. I know many gay men and for most you wouldnt notice if you didnt know them, but some are very extravagant and thats their thing.
Just wear neutral colors, don’t talk with a lisp, and don’t do the fruity arm thing.
The straights that actually would care, don’t actually know what gay people look like or do other than the stereotypes. If you’re not a stereotype, you could blend in pretty easy by simply not advertising your sexuality.
Shit, I sometimes run into people that claim they never would have guessed I’m pansexual with a lean towards men, even when I am wearing a jacket and hat full of pride flair.
There are no traits that are universally “straight traits”, “gay traits”, “trans traits” or even “ace traits”. So any behavior you can have is technically “acting straight”.
^^^^^^ Having this attitude is a great way to portray yourself as straight. It’s the idea that “straight culture” == “default.” Straight culture is a thing, just like gay culture is.
Yes, you can cling to pointless technicalities. There is no one behavior that 0 gay people ever engage in, or any behavior that 0 straight people ever engage in. But this is ridiculously reductive and ignore that despite outliers, clear cultural grouping of traits exists.
So loving people the same gender as you in a romantic sense is straight behavior?
Is that your personality or just a fact about you?
You’re being obtuse. It concerns behavior towards people you’re not romantically involved with.
Look no further: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-f3sNylbUI
Less is more.
I knew a guy who was gay, but closeted at work, or at least, he thought he was closeted at work.
He came out to a friend of mine at work, and she took me into confidence, nervous about revealing his secret. I had to tell her everybody knew. I suggested that she let him know that he could be out to the rest of us and it wouldn’t make a difference (partly because no one cared and partly because everyone knew).
When one of the guys was getting married, the gay guy was the one that insisted we had to have a bachelor’s party at a strip club for him. We all went to a strip club because we weren’t supposed to know he was gay and we couldn’t just say, “Dude, you’re gay. Straight, adult guys don’t really do this. Can we just go to a restaurant and get dinner or something?”
Straight =/= misogynistic. In fact, I would argue misogynistic would usually mean some kind of confusion or anxiety about sexual identity anyway.
Straight people aren’t all the same any more than LGBTQ+ people are the same. I’m a straight, CIS male. I don’t like sports at all. I don’t drink beer. I like deep, emotional movies. I like show tunes and musicals. I sew. I also like trucks. I like the outdoors, but I would never want to go hunting because I don’t want to kill anything.
There’s a guy from my high school who everyone thought was gay. He’s not gay, but there’s have probably always been people who thought he is. He has a kind of flamboyant persona. He’s married to my wife’s best friend from high school and they have two grown kids.
My advice, just be who you are. If you can’t be out, don’t be out, but you don’t have to put on an act. The closer you stay to the truth the easier it is.
Being gay is weird for a lot of reasons I can’t understand. I have a friend who is “almost closeted” but too old to hide it fully. We respect his decision not to talk about it, but we always laugh when he makes jokes about blowjobs or crude stuff that only gay bros can do. He’s a great friend and doesn’t look repressed or depressed, but I always hope that he’s not unhappy inside.
Edit: shit, I made 2 answers on the same comment, well, fuck it.
To give another example from a not-gay guy: I drink beer, I enjoy stupid movies like Gladiator where almost naked guys bash each other’s heads (but not because they are naked, because the movie is funny), I don’t like musicals, I sew too, but I don’t care about trucks.
Why all this? Don’t know, don’t care, being myself is hard enough, I don’t have time to think about it or give excuses.
As a cus straight guy myself I’m not sure fully understand the question but here goes my best interpretation,
I do not recommend this but the only thing I could think of is not displaying any affection to your parter, but if someone said I couldn’t hold my girlfriend’s Hand in public id be pretty pissed. So just be yourself OP
In my experience I’ve never noticed and even if i did I don’t care, they’re just doing their thing. The only time I’ve noticed some ‘act gay’ is that Hollywood over the top stereotype flamboyant kind, and whenever I see those people I wish I had that energy, just living you absolute best life
Kinda got a little off track there but my point is unless your in physical danger (I hope your not) just be yourself and what you think is right
