For example workplace harrasment by women towards males like touching or groping being ignored because the victim is male but if it where to happen to a woman by a male the male would be fired
One that constantly comes up between me and my partner is fashion related. She is very liberal but when it comes to our relationship is the exact opposite. She buys everything from lacy thongs and g-strings to boy shorts underwear. She hates that I as a man wear thong and bikini underwear, too. I’m athletic, lift and workout 5 days a week, and get hot very easily. I like the support and minimalism of thongs for that, but she always buys me boxers which are uncomfortable and bunch up and all the extra fabric and cotton makes me hot and sweaty and chafe. When I bring up she wears thongs just do she doesn’t have panty lines and I wear them for comfort and support she doesn’t understand. She also mentioned she thinks guys wearing thongs is weird but then says it’s so “brave” when gay guys do it during pride. I once called her out and homophobic for assuming it’s a fetishized gay guys only thing and she got mad, but am I wrong?
Dude, I know this is a weird question, but where do you buy your underwear. I’ve been wanting to try it out, but I can’t really find a site that doesn’t fetishize thong underwear for men.
Btw, I think there’s nothing wrong with wearing something you’re comfortable in.
MeUndies. They have tons of colors, great return policy if you don’t like them or they don’t fit, and they don’t fetishize it. I know what you are saying, when I first started looking they had a very obvious “target demographic” that I’m not a part of. I just wanted a solid, normal, comfortable man thong. Before that, jockey had great men’s thongs and some women’s thongs that definitely fit men and don’t look feminine. I’m hoping that Meundies starts to do more fabric types in men’s thongs, women get all the light and silky fabrics….
Oh no! My husband just started eating thongy underwear and I’m enjoying the view ;)
Also he is really enjoying them as well, guess they feel better than boxers
I’m glad for both of you and that you are both enjoying it! It’s honestly such a small thing to get hung up on in our relationship that I just brush it off and move on.
small thing to get hung up on
The thong, right?
small […] hung
I’m getting mixed signals here
Try. https://moonieco.com/pages/monies like you’re not wearing under crackers at all
I am not always wearing thongs, and I really like MeUndies thongs and I have a lot of their trunks, too. She calls the trunks “my booty shorts” jokingly. She doesn’t mind when I wear those.
You’re definitely not wrong. If she’s willing to undermine or criticize your clothes preference after you’ve already told her why you like them and you don’t want to change, what else is she willing to undermine?
I feel very comfortable sharing with her, especially since I grew up in an extremely conservative area of the south and she grew up in an upper class suburb in the Bay Area in California. She knows when I’m feeling “off” because it manifests in body language she picks up on and tries to get me to share (I.e. when I’m having work or family problems) but it’s been hard to break that “men don’t share their feelings” attitude I was raised with. She actually buys me clothing that is vibrant and traditionally female brands (lulu, Madewell, etc…). That’s why I was kind of taken aback when I first started wearing my thongs around her and she was like “are those women’s panties?” Because they were brightly colored pink pair of a male thong from MeUndies. I explained they are the comfortable for support when engaging in cardio and lifting and she was like, “I don’t like seeing you in them”.
In the same way I grew up in a very conservative area and this is a unique way to express myself and enjoy feeling sexy, I think she grew up in the opposite and that’s why she was attracted to stoic, lumbering me. She has jokingly called me a “brute” in a loving way and says she is fascinated how I just “power through” manual labor for 12 hours at a time on the weekend doing projects and lifting heavy stuff around our house. I think she just has a biological urge to see me as that big protector.
Also, she always talks about how she doesn’t like muscle on guys, but since we have been together I have put on a lot of muscle and the more I put on the more she is constantly squeezing my arms and shoulders and putting her head on my chest… but she has also noticed that other women will feel my arms in public and I think she gets a little jealous
Other women touching you in public without your consent is harassment
She chooses for image. She’s sympathetic. But, she’s no empathy for you valuing different facets in your choice. Is it just underwear or does this extend to more, possibly all choices?
We agree on the overwhelming majority of important things (politics, cleanliness, nutrition, children) but obviously we have different tastes within those areas, I love cashews, she hates them, I prefer lifting weights, she prefers Pilates, etc… This is just the one weird thing we get hung up on.
We agree on the overwhelming majority of important things (politics, cleanliness, nutrition, children)
interesting first choice 🤡
She obviously likes the way you look in boxers. Maybe ask her to buy you some Saxx brand boxers: synthetic stretchy, great support, durable. Two pairs got me about 1k trail miles. I’ve since replaced everything.
How does their synthetic hold up?
I’ve always bought their cotton boxer briefs and it seems that in recent years the durability has gone down. They used to last a few years a pair, but new pairs start to look baggy and sad after about 4-6 months. (They’re honestly off the list of products I buy right now.)
Mine are all a couple years old. I’d expect the same enshitification across the product line.
I find my clothing by asking ultralight hikers, runners, and bicyclists.
This is more like her insisting you hate cashews because she hates cashews.
Only in this case her hate is homophobic/transphobic. Women can wear boy stuff. And men can, in theory, wear ‘queer’ stuff. As long as it’s not her partner doing it.
Women love feminine men, but they won’t date one.
Yeah, it’s very strange. They talk about masculinity like it’s a negative trait but then that’s all they want in a relationship. Nature > Nurture
Which leaves men playing this crazy game where we need to be very masculine but never acknowledge it.
I’m earning 1.2-1.3x what women in my job are earning, but when we go out to lunch, they want to split the bill according to what each person ordered. That makes me feel guilty, which is very unfair.
pay grade aside, do you mean that it fills that you as a man must pay the full bill
i am leaving this comments since your getting higher down vote ratio without an explanation for why
That is an intretresting view.
I understand, and respect the sentiment. However, in a co-worker dynamic, it makes sense everyone pays for what they order. I think they would feel guilty if you were buying them lunch. If my co-worker payed for my lunch, I’d want to buy for them next time. Putting a bunch of colleagues in an “I owe you” situation (intentional or not) probably isn’t the best idea.
I think you could offer to cover tip for the table and be within reason.
If they were making more money than yourself, would you expect them to cover part of your bill? I think most men would say no, you pay for what you eat.
For a birthday or something, go ahead and push it a little more, but don’t refuse when they return the favor (assuming they are decent people).
The fact they want to split the check is a big step from the steryotype of women expecting the man to cover the bill. You’re not their wallet, and if they treat you like it, run.
This is a troll
it makes sense everyone pays for what they order
In my experience, the only time a single person will cover most of or all of the bill is when they are celebrating something, like getting a promotion or moving to a new team.
that or if they have the company card
(and are allowed to use it for meals every now and them)
Thanks very much for the good advice. I think I will pay the tip in addition to my portion going forward. That should even the score.
No problem
If they insist of covering their tip; you can sleep knowing you tried, and they can sleep knowing they can pay for their own food.
If you’re a dude and your older female boss forces you to have sex with her under threat of losing your job, everyone just says “that’s awesome what’s the problem?”.
I had a professor do this to me. Was an adult going to night school, in my last year. She was about ten years older than me and we hit it off in a way I assumed was a professional student/teacher relationship. Had this with other professors as well.
She told me to meet her at a hotel once, thought she was joking and when I didn’t show was furious. Told her it just seemed odd, and she told me she is getting another one this weekend and not to worry about it, but if I didn’t show there would be consequences.
Through a lot of double speak she let me know if it didn’t happen, there would be no graduation for me. Not knowing what to do, bought a pack of condoms and showed up to the hotel. “No, we aren’t using those”. And that was several of my weekends until graduation. There was zero possibility of saying no, and no one to complain to. I can tell the story online and that’s about it.
Holy shit dude. Sorry about the rape. Like, for real. I hope you’re doing ok.
Wait what? You can’t be serious! You did this instead of reporting her to the school?
Yes, I bitched on the internet. It was something that happened almost ten years ago, but it’s not like the school would have ever done anything. Let’s be honest about how this stuff plays out.
I’d have went to the police if the school didn’t do shit or threaten with lawyers. I’d escalate all my options since this shit is not going down with me
didn’t family guy cover this lol
It’s fairly broadly believed that strong male influences benefit a child greatly, but males are looked at with huge skepticism if they attempt to enter most forms of childcare as a profession.
I work in a company that seems to have mostly women in management roles and the area I work in has mostly women in our area as well. The things I’ve heard women say about men though would get any guy shit-canned within a day if he were to say anything like that about women. Women can straight-up say things like, “I hate men” or “Men are such assholes” or “What is wrong with men?” or “Guys are so stupid!” or “My husband is such a fucking idiot” or saying blatantly sexual shit about men that they have crushes on or find attractive. It’s just a joke to them, like whatever. Meanwhile, if a guy were to say anything even remotely approaching to what I’ve heard in our office, they would be gone like nothing, there’s just no tolerance for that.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not offended by women saying sexist things like that or talking sexually about guys, I don’t give a shit, I’ve heard worse from other guys. That doesn’t bother me and I’m not looking to get anybody in trouble over it, I just want tolerance from both sides. What bothers me is that men aren’t afforded that same courtesy and aren’t allowed to talk the same way. Women can talk shit at work all they want about men because “Fuck the patriarchy, old white men are ruining everything, etc”, but whooo, if a guy says anything remotely out of line about women, they will be reported like that 🫰.
Last time I checked, women were overwhelmingly likely to be granted custody over men, even when the man is a better parent.
Well, for one, the ability to freely talk about issues specific to their gender without judgement by ~20% of the population
We had to shutter !twoxchromosomes@slrpnk.net because of persistent and vocal judgement by a large population of Lemmy users, many specifically from Lemmy.World. So no, talking about issues specific to their gender is definitely not a double standard where men get the short end of the stick.
This is why you get judged. Because you so nakedly put on display how much ignorance and little empathy you have for women’s issues.
!mensliberation@lemmy.ca exists specifically for men who understand their issues in society are intersectional with women’s issues, and that solving them requires uniting to end patriarchy. Any discussion outside of that framing deserves the assumption that it’s a misogynist men’s pity party.
Why is it okay for twoX to be devoted to women’s issues and actively discourage comparing them to men’s issues, but men can’t have an analogous space?
Fwiw, if your twoX was different from previous similarly-named communities then I am sorry it closed.
I think you misunderstood me. I do think men should have an analogous space. I support !mensliberation@lemmy.ca 100%.
If you didn’t misunderstand me, men don’t need a space specifically for comparing their issues negatively against women’s issues. That space is everywhere and anywhere, as evidenced by this discussion occurring in !asklemmy@lemmy.world and collecting overwhelmingly positive upvotes.
Your comments here are an example of double standard.
You are asking for men issues to stay in groups specific to that issue. Anyone who did the same for questions about women would be called a misogynist.
Wow, you’re really reaching there. I’m asking you to stop blaming women for men’s problems. There’s a group of people who aren’t doing that, and if you don’t want to be called a misogynist, follow the example of that group.
Will you stop blaming men for women’s problems?
I’m asking you to stop blaming women for men’s problems.
And yet you’re the exact type of person to blame men for women’s issues lol
Your mental gymnastics are funny
Nah, this is textbook double standards.
You are part of the problem that is stopping true equality. If men have everywhere to work through issues so you need a special place to do it, how does that end. You forever stay locked in that safe space because men own the public forum? Or do you try to fight for your spot in the public forum, attacking the only place you allowed men to work through issues? Or do you want a place in the public forum and your own space?
So by your own logic women have their own communities and the general forum is for men, because of this post. So should women be told not to discuss their issues in general forums like Ask Lemmy and stick to their own communities? I mean these are for men right? Seems messed up to me.
Why not just let everyone have a seat at every table? Be truly open and equal, instead of men deciding what women can have and women deciding what men can have. It’s not a hard concept.
It’s people like you that make the divide bigger every time you fight for “equality”.
The incels are out in force.
Ask them if they’re also supportive of White Pride and the KKK. Or if they’d endorse a “White Lives Matter” movement.
Maybe then the cognitive dissonance will be obvious.
I hope you’re a troll. Otherwise I worry about your mental health.
You’re from twoX. You hate men unconditionally
Please go back to Reddit. Seems like a much better place for misandrists. We’re trying to build a healthy community here
Men’s Lib on lemmy is an explicitly feminist space, and all the men there are in the pathetic friendzone white knight “women can do no wrong” space.
I haven’t checked it out myself but its ridiculous to think women can’t do anything that plays into traditional gender roles that is used to put down men (like men shouldn’t share their feeling for example)
According to mens lib, that doesn’t happen and if you keep insisting it does they’ll ban you
You got some examples of this or just based on vibes?
You can look yourself if you like. Everything in there is all “feminism is awesome” and “men should be more like women”.
How do you define feminism because I wouldn’t call feminists “pathetic friend zone white knight ‘women can do no wrong’” types.
I was also confused by the amount of downvotes
In dating or marriage: If a female partner criticizes on her male’s choice of outfit, it’s totally normal. If a male criticizes the choice of outfit of his female partner… a fight is imminent.
Insane expectations being placed on women around beauty and appearance, and the resulting insecurities that creates, play a big role in this
Sounds like an unhealthy relationship to me instead of a double standard but whatever.
I see this all the time and my wife can give to hoots what I wear so I have no realtionship issue, but I see it all the time. Honestly it is a realtionship thing. Anyone can criticize a males outfit without to much blowback. If asked an not in a realtionship with a women a man can criticize a womens outfit minorly. If in a relationship they have to have an especially easy going significant other. Like my wife.
The whole question of double standards is in a sense, asking about common unhealthy traits
Both are very common, so it’s easy to confuse them.
Men are often expected to swallow their emotions and just “function”, while women are allowed and even encouraged to display them openly
It’s not that women are “allowed,” it’s more so that women are expected to be emotional because they’re oh such emotional creatures and of course she’s crying.
That’s a funny one because men are celebrated for suppressing emotions and women are penalisd for showing them.
Unless that emotion is anger. That’s the one exception.
Hmmm, I think Kyle Rittenhouse and Gus Walz might have a different perspective. One displayed remorse through blubbering “tears” to play-act out of murder charges and one displayed genuine emotion for a successful family member. Both were pilloried for displaying emotion, fake or real.
Magic Eight Ball says: Concentrate and ask again
Its sort of crazy how there’s no real effort to help people develop their emotional intelligence as a kid or beyond. It should be like no later than grade 1 or 2 where people learn about their feelings and setting limits with people.
So many parents gasp at the idea of their child actually having boundaries that are to be respected because muh dominion or they never learned about it themselves and aren’t open to everyone simply being more observant and respectful of them
One reason we chose the school my kids go to is because they do teach about emotions and friendship and so on.
Thats awesome! Super important stuff for being well and a good person to have around for others
Yeah, it is one of the things I love about the district we are in. They are big on EQ and also very inclusive (my kids are on the spectrum, so I like that they actively teach about inclusion).
This is called Social Emotional Learning and is a big thing in the school I teach in, but has big pushback from many conservatives because it talks about respecting people for their differences, even if they are gay or trans or a poc.
There’s a huge discrepancy in how people understand the word respect.
The “blindly follow what I say and override all your reactions to the pain it will probably cost” and hold your tongue/bottle your emotions shit needs to die in a fire. That is blind control, it is very different and it means much more work and negative outcomes for all involved.
Love this, thanks for giving such shape to the form I was getting at
Np. It’s not mine of course, but unfortunately I don’t know what the source is.
Which is also funny because that leads directly to a lot of mental problems for these men.
I see a change is this trend, but a lot of damage has already been done and it will take quite a while to recover from this.
Yeah the patriarchy is really just the ruling class using us to suppress each other.
Men are often expected to swallow
😏
their emotions
😔
Women absolutely are penalized for showing emotion. Socially between friends there is a lot better support, and that is probably what you are thinking of. In a workplace environment though, there can be serious consequences for expressing anything other than congeniality. If you’re socially withdrawn you’re an ice queen, if you get angry (no matter how justifiable) you’re a bitch or a dragon lady. If you’re stressed and not perfectly composed you’re weak “unable to handle the pressure”. I get that men are subject to the same kind of judgments but there seems to be more leeway.
I would counter this and say any woman with a career can absolutely not show emotion. They’re expected to behave like men, which are in turn not supposed to show emotion in the workplace. It’s less of a double standard and more of a toxic standard.
Clothes in general, I could borrow my husband’s shirt and nobody would bat an eye but I’d he borrowed mine (he can’t because I’m smaller, but assuming we were the same size-ish) would look strange.
I don’t think groping is gonna be ignored in any workplace, in any direction.
In some workplaces it’s even ignored in both directions. At last, true gender equality! /s
Many (basically all) companies will completely ignore an issue until they’re absolutely forced to act on it, it’s pretty par for the course.
I’ve read enough accounts from both men and women to know that sexual harassment is not taken seriously at many places.
Groping is very much ignored in both directions at work
Huh? Groping is ignored much of the time if done by a woman to a man
This comes from my own observations, and might not be a popular take, but men are often encouraged or celebrated for having multiple partners and not using protection.
This attitude puts men(especially young men) at risk for STI’s, some of which can affect fertility even if a course of antibiotics will take care of it. Others don’t have cures yet, or are not as easy to treat like herpes, the different hepatitis strains, HIV, genital warts ect.
This attitude towards sex for men puts their health at risk and their partners.
The amount of times I’ve seen dudes encourage each other to not use condoms is kinda distressing. I don’t think guys are being educated on how a condom should fit and how to find the right size. They shouldn’t be uncomfortable. If they are try a different kind.
Women often have to try different birth control pills until they find one with minimal side effects. Try different condoms until you find the right ones for you. It’s to protect your dick from diseases, not just to stop pregnancy.
Take care of yourselves guys. Your health is important.
I mean maybe its just my circles but I found there was a type of guy that was a small minority who had a lot of partners and the average guy had a few and a goodly amount had trouble having one while women on average had a few. I guess what im saying it to me the average women has more partners than the average guy but like there is an above average area where the men have more than the women and then also guys obsess more over it (and lie). Granted at the extremes the extreme case women is likely going to overtake the extreme case guys.
This is probably 10 years ago that I read it, but I don’t expect that the numbers have changed much: The median number of lifetime partners for men is 4, while the median for women is 7. The median means that half of the group had that many or more, and half had that many or fewer. If every heterosexual encounter by definition has to include a male and a female, the way that that works out is that there’s a subgroup of men who have a partner count way over four.
In short, yeah, that observation checks out in the research. Among men, there are a few Wilt Chamberlains balanced by thousands with only a partner or two. (NB: extreme example for rhetorical purposes)
Regardless of whatever the case may be, men should be encouraged to protect their sexual health.
Women have gynecologists they see to monitor and do preventative care, discuss birth control methods ect.
Men don’t typically see a urologist unless theres an issue, and because of that there are less opportunities for them to ask questions, or be educated about STI’s and ways to protect themselves. Or know the potential long term risks of common STIs or even the symptoms.
Add to that common misconceptions about condoms, user error while using them, and cultural attitudes and men are kinda set up to not use them in way. Men’s health is important. I worry for my nephews who are getting into their early 20’s. I hope what I tried to teach them makes a difference.
Yeah I getcha. I actually always mention to my wife I sorta wish men could have a mens health doctor along with a primary care.
Being held culpable for the brutality some powerful men wield against women because of the “patriarchy”. But also being at fault when women with power exploit or abuse men.
The problem is dominance hierarchy, which expresses itself as patriarchy most of the time.
But not always, and places on this earth exist where a matriarchic hierarchy is similarly asserted.
Obligatorily, no war but class war.
I find it hilarious when people get upset about “no war but class war” as if the sexist and racist systems we experience aren’t just symptoms of a heavily stratified society
In favor of men: when we get angry, people listen. When women get angry, people stop listening.
Against men: men being around children is seen as suspect. Women being around children is seen as healthy.
I had a girlfriend once and i was absolutely mad at her for reasons i don’t remember. She said she would go home. I knew her for about 2 years and she herself said she never even heard me getting loud or angry with anyone. Anyway, after she left for 15 minutes she came back in and started arguing again. I asked her if she could please just leave. But she kept going. I really didn’t know what to do, because i didn’t just want to grab her and throw her out or anything, so i kept telling her to leave. I went to the toilet and hoped that she would be gone by the time i was done peeing. But she didn’t, she came into the bathroom to keep arguing. That’s where i totally flipped and grabbed her arm and threw her out and told her to go home.
I can’t even imagine doing that to a woman. Like just refusing to leave after i yelled at her for 30 minutes and all she said was: just please leave. Following her into the bathroom to keep yelling at her. I would go straight to jail, while she didn’t even really understood that something went wrong.
This happens a lot more than society is willing to admit.
Camera phones are changing this slowly similar with the police and karen issues.
It is now subgenre on youtube. It was weird realizing that some women will just act that way because “wtf is u gonnd do about it, pussy, call the police? Try me!!!”
Dude. I was at an MLB baseball game about a year ago. It was the 6th inning. I walked into the bathroom while play is still going on. I specifically picked that time because it was the other team at bat, and not their best hitters. My logic was “nobody will be in the bathroom, but nothing will happen in the game either! I’m so smart for going to pee now!”
I walk into the bathroom. First thing I see is a row of about 20 urinals, and deadset in the middle is a 5 year old boy with his pants around his ankles. Bare ass on display. No parent in sight.
I walked in, saw that, walked right back out. Like Aberaham Simpson when he walked into the strip club and saw Bart.
I was like noooooooope. I am NOT going to be in that room when the dad comes in. Even if I’m 10 urinals away. I can wait to pee in the 7th inning, and totally abandon my amazing pee stratagy.
Last thing I need is a protective parent walking in, and asking why I’m in the room with a bare assed 5 year old. Even if nothing happened. I’ll just wait an inning.
Y’all imagine crazy stories. That shit happenes all the time and nobody cares.
I would ask where the dad is but if its like butters dad hes likely losing a wrestling match somewhere.
if?
Fucking bizarre
Your country is bizarre 😅 in europe: who the hell cares? Everyone pees.
No, it’s the same way here. People invent these imaginary fears. Same with OC about children in general. Nobody gives a shit or is looking at dads.
Like sure, maybe you hit the jackpot and find the crazy but the vast majority of parents so not give a shit in the states.
The consequences in the US are so severe it’s not worth the risk. Just an accusation can ruin someone’s life.
🙄👌👍
Said as someone who has never had to deal with it
Because it doesn’t happen lol
The shit older women said (and did) to me when I drove a cab in my twenties.
Also, not wanting to fuck someone, even if they’re somewhat attractive.
One of the two presidential candidates has five children with three different partners. The coverage of that fact would be very different it it were the female.
Oh no, instead she has step-children so was referred to as a “Childless cat lady” by checks notes the running mate of the opposing party.
The only place to the conservative crowd for a woman to be in is in a single relationship with her own kids. Though I’m sure they’d have a way to gripe about it too.
This is going to be my new way to antagonize conservatives I know:
ME: Did you know Harris has had 5 kids with 3 different partners?!
MORON: I don’t doubt it. She’s a whore!
ME: Oh sorry, I meant Trump.
Yeah, he’s a good looking stud, what do you expect.
downvoters did not pick up on sarcasm?
Absolutely not. Satire of Trump supporters and Trump supporters are indistinguishable. The ear bandages, the diaper wearing. The complete and utter nonsense they swallow and spout. Being proud of “grab 'em by the pussy” and openly supporting KKK and walking the streets with actual swastikas. There’s nothing too extreme to be even remotely too absurd to be true from MAGA. So no, unless you’re putting a /s on your fake utterly stupid moronic take Republican opinion, I absolutely can’t tell that you’re ridiculing them instead of just being that stupid.
